Shit, I go to india next week.

I'm not ready.

What if I hate it?

What if it's horrible?

What if I can only take so much 3rd world poverty?

What if a tiger attacks me while me and the man are sleeping in the jungle?

(Can't tell i'm feeling anxious, can you??)

Aquarius:

Good news!  Something you did will have consequences you didn't know you wanted.  Not only will you feel as though a weight has been lifted off your shoulder but, as Uranus swings into power you'll feel your creative juices flowing.  Congratulations, you're on your way to rediscovering who you should be.

Okay, so that's not a word-for-word of one 'scope but it is a mish-mosh of all the ones i've seen for me today.  It's WEIRD but it's right.  Today I woke up feeling as though a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.  My depression haze is lifting, I feel as though I can breath and feel again.  Even my fortune cookie said that big events were about to unfold in a good way.  

And I can post on LJ from work.

I'm usually in a pissy mood on Tuesdays and Thursdays because I have to be at school at 12:30 and stay here, without a break, without a moment to, say, eat, untill 7:00 and by the time that comes around my blood-sugar and my mood are plummeting!  Today i let it drop WAY too low, combined with the stress of having a fifteen-minute presentation entirely in french comming up (je ne parle pas les francais!) and it's been CRAZY tutoring lately AND my bosses at the restaurant have been keeping me there extreamly late, you'd think I was feeling as though i'd hit rock bottom, but, i'm not.

I'm feeling pretty goddamned good.  

I'm feeling the Craic!!!

Plus, Scotland may finally succeed from England, if it does, that would mean i've been to four separate european countries, plus the layover in Munic and i'm about to add my first Asian country to my list, i'm starting to feel like real world traveller.

Weirdness, if you're going to block one blog, you should totally have to block all of them.

Talked to Insurance guy dealing with the accident.

Apparently the guy I hit going the speed of snail is claiming that i've injured his lower back.  I laughed, I already have a bad back and two bad knees, don't you think if one of us was going to be injured it'd be me, who saw the accident comming and tensed up? 

*rolls eyes* oh well, at least I have insurance.

I wanna drive my new car, I wanna drive my new car.

So, I'm back in the states and have spent the last few weeks anxiously anticipating the opening of Pan's Labyrinth here (missed it in London as it was only playing at the pricy cinemas, bastards). I liked it and didn't like it. I liked the special effects, I didn't like how easy the chick got off in every single situation (particularly the the White Man scene, WTF to that?), but man that little girl can ACT, she deserves every award she gets, the chick who plays Hermione could stand to take some acting lessions with her.

It is in spanish with subtitles, however, so bring your reading glasses. The fawn is SUPER cool, the White Man is quite spooky and the Labyrinth is the awsome. The scenery works, but, like I said, the little chick gets off way to easy. WAY to easy. Cute ending though.

Everytime I feel like I might be getting ready to come home (bus strike=tube chaos!!!) something happens that makes me want to stay forever.

Today is one of those days where I crammed my happy-ass into an all-to-packed train and then spent a half-asleep day in class and then stressed out over finals and then....

Went ice skating at the Tower of London, literally in the moat. Lit up with soft lights and the scent of mulled wine hanging in the air. Myself, Ashley, Kate, Megan, Mari and Matt pretty much had the ring to ourselves and it was spectacular. The trees on the road above us had blue lights strung in them, the christmas music was turned down so low you couldn't hear it, the ancient walls of the tower rose up around you. Everyone had rosey cheeks and frosty breath and we chased eachother and learned to skate backwards (well, I couldn't figure it out, I learned to do a turn using my arms to build momentum). It was so beautiful and romantic and not the sort of romantic that makes you feel depressed, instead, the sort of romantic that makes the whole world seem lit by the most perfect light and makes everything else fade away.

We didn't leave untill the skates had rubbed out feet raw and then everyone piled into Matt's house and we all made dinner together and joked and told stories and laughed untill our sides hurt.

It is really these days that make going home feel like taking a plane to mars.

Um...I'm going to sneek into a catholic mass at Westminster Cathedral just so I can hear a mass in Latin (ooooo!). Got bree-bree the BEST present from Ireland!

Ireland ROCKS!! OMG! If only I could drag everyone to ireland and show them. There really are pubs in ireland that are full of Locals that speak in such a strong accent you can't understand a word they're saying and gorgeous irish boys and GREAT guinness and, yes, every pub you walked past had a live irish band playing traditional music with couples of old age hooting at them and breaking into rounds and dances. Ireland is MAGIC! It has fairy circles and portal tombs and pookas and banshees (I didn't hear one, thank god!). And, like I said, the people are friendly, and OMG! Big green hills dotted with squat white houses clustered into villiages and waterfalls that appear like magic from cracks in sheer cliff faces and rolling seas a color blue that you only imagined came in crayon boxes and bright sunlight and spectacular sun-sets and stars, MY GOD! the stars! The music! The beer! the people!

Love is not even the word for what I felt while there.

Ireland has taken my heart from me and will hold it for some time, I think.

What it looks like when you find yourself standing in a place you have dreamed about standing your whole life, about to visit a place you thought you'd never, in a million years, ever actually go to?

Well, here you are...




Yes, shortly afterward the euphoria suddenly careens into a sense of, "Well, fuck, now what do I do?" 

Scotand ROCKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HARD CORE!  I have now been to lock Ness etc. etc. etc.  I'll put up pictures when i've managed to go through the myriad of them.

In care you're wondering, I've never been in a happier place in my entire life.  I don't want to come home.  Fuck, I didn't even want to come back to London!  I think I now know where i'm going to try to live out the last of my days. 

You scored as Serenity (Firefly). You like to live your own way and donâ??t enjoy when anyone but a friend tries to tell you should do different. Now if only the Reavers would quit trying to skin you. </td> Serenity (Firefly) 94% Millennium Falcon (Star Wars) 94% Deep Space Nine (Star Trek) 81% Moya (Farscape) 75% Babylon 5 (Babylon 5) 69% Galactica (Battlestar: Galactica) 63% Bebop (Cowboy Bebop) 50% Andromeda Ascendant (Andromeda) 50% SG-1 (Stargate) 44% Nebuchadnezzar (The Matrix) 38% FBI's X-Files Division (The X-Files) 25% Enterprise D (Star Trek) 19% Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile II: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? (pics) created with QuizFarm.com

YAY! And I didn't even try! I'll be on the train in five hours. SOOOOOOOOOO excited.

On thursday at 3:30 London time (about 7:30 cali time) I will be on a train to scotland.

I'M SOOOOOOOOOOO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SCOTLAND WOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTT!  *does the jump for joy thing*

AGH! I'm sorry,  I'm just soo damn excited I can't even contain myself, I'm going to see a Hary Cooo! and Lock Ness! and be cold and rained on and not care because it'll be fucking scotland, that's why! Oh JOY! oh RAPTURE!

*cough* and then, um...i'll come back and do some laundry and then maybe go to Stone Henge for a day...

I used to say that I felt like a phoenix. Just as I was drowning in the ashes of my life everything would suddenly turn and I would rise bigger, better, stronger than before.

I had a nightmare the other night and as a result woke very early on sunday morning in a contemplative mood.

It is strange to think that just about a month before I found myself in england It seemed like my loans weren't going to go through and I was going to be stuck in the AV working pie sale and christmas and thanksgiving again, I discovered that the person I had thought was my best and truest friend had been talking endless amounts of trash about me and, in fact, all the people I had thought were my friends had been doing the same thing and I was depressed.

I mean, DEPRESSED. In the darkest place I've been in since my parents divorced, feeling all those old feelings, having all those old dreams. Crying every night, throwing myself senslessly into work.

But then there was my Bree-bree who helped me back on my feet, and Jeffy, of course. And suddenly I had people clammoring around me and giving me support. I got to house-sit for a friend and spend some time thinking about what I was going to do with myself. It's been a long time since i found myself so free of hinderences and so free to be whoever I feel it is time I should be.

Now i'm here, in London. I have to say, that I haven't laughed so hard in YEARS as I have laughed spending time out with my roomates and the people i've made friends with here. I haven't been so consistantly happy and care-free in at least a year, maybe since before highschool. I don't have to feel guilty for having fun anymore, and it's GREAT.

I never thought I would say the words, "oh yeah, i'm going to Scotland next weekend, the weekend after is an arts festival in Aldburgh and probably the weekend after that i'm going to go to Wales. Maybe over thanksgiving i'll go to Ireland for a few days, but i'm not sure."

God, what a life this is! From feeling friendless and betrayed to being at the top of the pyramid holding the world in my hand, getting crammed into the underground in the morning, in the best english classes i've ever taken, taking classes with like-minded people who challenge your every thought.

I know it's only temporary, that soon i'll be back to the real world, that soon i'll be back to the AV and all the worries and troubles that come with that.

But for now know, my friends, that I am happy here and that I miss those I love deeply and wish you could experience this with me.

And those who aren't my friend, know that I never think of you except to wish that you too could experience the freedom and excitement of someplace far off and oft dreamed about.

I think this is going to be my last full post here for a while.

Much love to everyone (and I mean, everyone),
~A

So, Stratford-upon-avon on friday. Hmm...getting to get out into the country was LOVELY. Long rolling hills of green surrounded by thick stands of trees overgrown with ivey. There were sheep, many many sheep, sleeping in the fields. Tons of horses and pheasants (i'm not joking, with the long tail and everything).

Ann Hathaway's cottage was the place I want to live for the rest of my life. A tall, overgrown garden surrounded by a large plot of land right near a streambed. The house has a thatched (SP??) roof and white-washed walls and that classic tudor-style dark bording. It was everything you could want it to bed. I sat on the bench that Shakespear sat on, stood in the kitchen where he took dinner with Ann...fabbity fab fab.

The Birthplace, however, has all the charm of an over-the-top replica. Utterly commecialized and lacked every inch of the charm that Ann Hathaway's house had. It had none of the original fernishings, had cheesey drawings on the wall and you had to go through a packed museum to get to it. It was right smack in the middle of town and so, not terribly great. But, the city had some cute shops and you can still see the school (and even the general room) where Shakespear got his learning) so it was sweet in that way.

We fed the swans and saw canal houses (the sort of boat that Johnny Depp arrives on in Chocolate) so that was great. ANd I got my picture taken with Hamelt (see the Myspace for now). It was a lovely day. God I love this country. Even though it was rainy/sunny/rainy/cloudy/col/sunny all day it was PERFECT.

Anyway, i'll update about yesterday later.

I just want to write it here that when I come back I will still love my BF despite the fact that she will be filled with the anger that comes from being a five-month along preggers girl denied sushi and beer :D

Life is GREAT!  Even on a bad day when I wake up, fuck, i'm still in London.

Let me tell you how much I miss the AV: NIL! HA! If I didn't have to I wouldn't come-fucking-back now would I? would you?

It's beautiful here! 

Just in case you're curious this is my weekend: Up early friday for Stratford-upon-avon (yeah, woo!!!), Up early saturday for a full-out attack on the Tower of London (yay!) followed by a possible trip to the great-fire of london memorial and then sunday either an hour by train to Gnol House (home of Vita-Sackville west the women that Orlando was written about).  

yes, don't I lead the absolute worst life?  it's horrible here. 

Much love to you all, wish you were here :D

I love London for many reasons, the weather (which has turned for the cloudy and rainy, finally), the Tube, the double-decker busses (riding in the very front seat at the very top one gets a very good idea of where JK Rowling got her idea for the Knight Bus and even it's driver, those guys are NUTS! It's like a rollar-coaster down the road!).  

But more importantly I love how there is SOOO much to do.

For instance, today there are three REALLY good movies playing.  Phantom of the Opera has open seats, Wicked just opened, Les Miserables is in full swing. Blue Man Group has a matinee today, I mean, fucking name it. Hell, Spamalot is opening at the end of this week (I think).  The museums are amazing and there is allways something going on in the literary world. 

For instance, Neil Gaimen is speaking tonight, for FREEE at a massive venue off of Kings Cross.  I'd go, but it happens right smack in the middle of my film class and today we are watching a film starring Johnny Depp....so...my choice is Johnny Depp or Neil Gaimen...hmmm....

Anyway, just letting everyone know i'm alive.  

Tonight i'll know if Traina managed to get me a ticket for the interview with You-Know-Who *SQUEEEEEEE!!!!!*

A peice of the Berlin wall at the Imperial War Museum

But, I did go see a play at the Globe Theater yesterday (totaly AWSOME!). I think i'm going to go see Titus there. Kickas, TITUS AT THE GLOBE!!!

Oh!! And Tim Burton is speaking at the London Film Festival, so my teacher is going to try to get me a ticket to go hear him talk about his films, but, most importantly, The Nightmare Before Christmas.  ROCKSORZ!

Every time I start to get homesick something cool happens :D

when the hell is talk like a pirate day?

The Thames Festival is comming...FIreworks on the THames on sunday night, bazzarr and shows all day :)  GUess where I'll be on sunday?

Went and Saw the falcons nesting on the Tate Modern, which was cool, chatted it up with an RSPB member, then went inside the tate modern.

Cool building, BAD ART.  worst art ever.  horrible.  like a nightmare.  Modern art BAD.  BAD BAD BAD BAD!!

Did find the Salvador Dahli Museum yesterday and road the london eye.  This weekend, above mentioned thames festival and, of course. Imperial War Museum which really is built in the old Bedlam asylem.  CRAZY!

For to see mad tom of bedlam...I took the circle tube line...

Hello, I'm in england now. 

I'm moved into my new house, i've attended my first classes, i'm  navagating the underground.

I'm so HAPPY to be HERE!

I'm outta here tomorrow.

A good break and a good sign.

Good things do happen, sometimes.